Ask the Monkey Wrench...

[Monkey Wrench]

Got a problem with your Bike that you can't figure out?
Maybe just need some advice on repairs, or maintenance?
Perhaps just bored, and want to tear it apart for Custom Stuff?

Ask the Monkey Wrench!!!

All Answers/Advice are Free Of Charge, and really should be used for Entertainment Purposes Only... unless it will actually solve your problem.
Results which cause Damage to your Bike, or other Property, is not my problem, as YOU are solely responsible for any actions YOU take on YOUR Bike.
Advice given is not from an ASE Certified Mechanic- I am a Monkey Wrench.
Whinning, Sniveling, and Imitations of Noises coming from your Bike will largely be ignored.
Please don't ask me to make repairs to your Bike, unless you have Butt Loads of Dough, and don't care if I Blow it UP! S**t happens... ya know?
There will be no "Flaming", nor "Ridicule", no matter how redicules the Question, so feel free to ask any Stupid Questions you might have.

[Flyte Risk]

There will be no "Flaming", nor "Ridicule", no matter how redicules the Question, so feel free to ask any Stupid Questions you might have.
Flaming and ridiclue of the self described "Monkey Wrench" is completely allowed and encouraged after you follow his advice.

[Monkey Wrench]

Ah yes... I did seem to leave that bit out of it all.

Additional Tiny Print:
Flaming and ridiclue of the self described "Monkey Wrench" is completely allowed and encouraged after you follow my advice, and your Bike Blows Up.
Please report back on the outcome, so we can have a good laugh!

[MarinesBiatch]

Last edited by Monkey Wrench; Today at 07:14 AM. Reason: Fixed It! Do I get to keep the Job?

Hmm.... We'll consider it. :haha:

[Monkey Wrench]

Thank You! Thank You! Thank You! Thank You! :yes:

OK..... Someone must have something they need help screwing up!?!?

Anyone? :eek2:

[Jane Honda]

No, I don't need any assistance in screwing anything up. I can do just fine on my own, thankyouverymuch!

[Flyte Risk]

Dear Monkey Wrench. I've recently been having problems with my car. I took it to the mechanic who told me my blinker fluid was low and the muffler bearings needed replacement. Is there anything I can do to just limp it along for a few more days? I have another car that I could drive once I get some parts for it but it seems that radiator caps for a 68 VW beetle have been back ordered for some time.

[Jane Honda]

:haha:

[Jane Honda]

Dear Monkey Wrench,


My tire seems to be flat on one side. What can I do to make it evenly flat?


Sincerely,

Some dumb chik

[Monkey Wrench]

Dear Monkey Wrench. I've recently been having problems with my car. I took it to the mechanic who told me my blinker fluid was low and the muffler bearings needed replacement. Is there anything I can do to just limp it along for a few more days? I have another car that I could drive once I get some parts for it but it seems that radiator caps for a 68 VW beetle have been back ordered for some time.

Hold on.... I'm thinking....

[Monkey Wrench]

Dear Monkey Wrench,


My tire seems to be flat on one side. What can I do to make it evenly flat?


Sincerely,

Some dumb chik

Let the rest of the Air out of it.

And I ain't buying the "Some Dumb Chik" bit for a second!

[MarinesBiatch]

Dear Monkey Wrench. I've recently been having problems with my car. I took it to the mechanic who told me my blinker fluid was low and the muffler bearings needed replacement. Is there anything I can do to just limp it along for a few more days? I have another car that I could drive once I get some parts for it but it seems that radiator caps for a 68 VW beetle have been back ordered for some time.


:hysterical:

:lol:



Have I told you that I miss you recently!? :yes::wave

[Flyte Risk]

You just did.

[MarinesBiatch]

:yes:

[Flyte Risk]

Dear Monkey Wrench.

I was able to purchase new muffler bearings (http://kalecoauto.com/index.php?main_page=product_info&cPath=3&products_id=10) But they were out of blinker fluid (http://kalecoauto.com/index.php?main_page=product_info&cPath=2&products_id=6). Now the problem is I can't figure out how to install them. Can you help me please? I really do need to keep this car running.

While I was shopping I also decided to upgrade the performance with an oil bypass kit (http://kalecoauto.com/index.php?main_page=product_info&cPath=1&products_id=8) and a set of cross drilled brake lines (http://kalecoauto.com/index.php?main_page=product_info&cPath=1&products_id=1) How much performance do you think I can get from those?

[Monkey Wrench]

Dear Monkey Wrench.

I was able to purchase new muffler bearings (http://kalecoauto.com/index.php?main_page=product_info&cPath=3&products_id=10) But they were out of blinker fluid (http://kalecoauto.com/index.php?main_page=product_info&cPath=2&products_id=6). Now the problem is I can't figure out how to install them. Can you help me please? I really do need to keep this car running.

While I was shopping I also decided to upgrade the performance with an oil bypass kit (http://kalecoauto.com/index.php?main_page=product_info&cPath=1&products_id=8) and a set of cross drilled brake lines (http://kalecoauto.com/index.php?main_page=product_info&cPath=1&products_id=1) How much performance do you think I can get from those?

My, My.... You are impatient!
I've been doing extensive research on your '68 Volkswagon, which I might add took A LOT of time, and have found that nearly all the parts are interchangalbe with a '74 Honda CB125, so that gives a good starting point to search for an alternative Radiator Cap.

As for the other car:

First off, your Mechanic is an Idiot!

Secondly, how old is this car? Blinker Fluid has not been available since 1903!! However, you can substitute this vital fluid with Mopar Wiper Lube. If you can't find any of that, Beached Whale Blubber is pretty cheap these days.

Now, the really crital part that is keeping that Hunk-O-Crap off the road is the Muffler Bearings. You should know that these are a One-Time Use Item, and are completely shot as soon as you start the car! Sold by Carpet Baggers, and Shady Muffler Shops, to unwhitting Customers, I am amazed that you even bought them to begin with!
Since they have been installed, you will now need to completely remove the Muffler, but you don't need to take it back to the Shop for this, as they will only try to sell you New Bearings. Just get a Hack Saw (or Hammer if you can't operate the Saw), some Bandages & Ice (you're bound to hit, or cut yourself during the proceedure), and a Loaf of Bread with Peanut Butter (in case you get hungry... its gonna take a while if you choose the Hammer).
Once the offending Muffler has been removed, select a suitable (preferably empty) Coffee Can, and cut a hole in the center of the bottom the same size as the Exhaust Pipe, and glue it with Elmer's White Paste (resist all urges to eat the Elmer's White Paste! You will need the entire Bottle to hold the Coffee Can on).
Once the Can is in place, start the Engine to cure the Glue. If it is too loud, go find a Pillow from the House, remove the stuffing, and pack the Coffee Can full. Duct Tape will suffice to hold it in the Can for a short amount of time, at least until you can locate that Radiator Cap.

With that out of the way... Don't waste your money on the Oil By-pass Kit. You will save a HUGE amount of money spent on Oil if you just don't put any in the Engine at all. Besides, it just leaks out of all the seals anyway! If you are worried about your Engine running without Oil, not to worry; The Raditatior Coolent will keep the Engine at a reasonable Temp for the whole 22 mins it will run without Oil.

Lastly, those Cross Drilled Lines look like a sweet deal! Let me know how that works out for ya, I may want a set for my Bike!:yes:

[Flyte Risk]

But Monkey Wrench, wasn't Mopar wiper lube rendered useless by wiper sharpeners (http://kalecoauto.com/index.php?main_page=product_info&cPath=5&products_id=23)

[Monkey Wrench]

Hmmm.... seems I'm a bit out of date.
Better go with the Beached Whale Blubber. Should be able to find it pretty easy at any crappy dive, hole in the wall, Bar.

[Flyte Risk]

Great, I know just the right strip joint. It might even be a U-Pull-It so I can save some cash.

[MA$TER_E]

Oh... My... Gawd...

:popcorn:


:vomit:

[Monkey Wrench]

NEXT......?:iorun:

[Flyte Risk]

:feedback

[Monkey Wrench]

:feedback
?:thinking:

[Monkey Wrench]

NEXT......?:iorun:
.................................................. ...................:popcorn:

[Jane Honda]

Pssst... Your supposed to come back with something for Flyte to giggle at, and then make a come back to you.



Volleypost. It's fun.

[Monkey Wrench]

Nah... I resolved his car troubles.
Conclusion is that he just needs to ditch that pile, and stick with his Bike!

Need new issues to resolve!!! :fly::yes:

[Flyte Risk]

Flyte 1

Monkey Wrench 0

[Monkey Wrench]

Flyte 1

Monkey Wrench 0

Right...
I am going to have to contest this ruling, on the grounds that my Oponent used an External Source to tip the Volleypost over the Net on several of the Exchanges!
I, on the other hand (arms crossed, nose a bit up in the air), used completely Original Off the Cuff Material! :moon:

[Flyte Risk]

Oh, and the U-pull-It thing wasn't off the cuff? Anybody who met me in person knew the outcome before it happened.

I protest your protest. We shall let the membership decide.

Weigh in now dear members, did i or did i not school the newb

[Monkey Wrench]

:lol:

Hey! This is fun!
Alright. I'll give ya the U-Pull-It Bit. That was pretty funny.

But this was my Post, so you have to Serve the next Volley...
Besides, if you have the Point, its your Serve anyway!:yes:

[Jane Honda]

Oh, and the U-pull-It thing wasn't off the cuff? Anybody who met me in person knew the outcome before it happened.

I protest your protest. We shall let the membership decide.

Weigh in now dear members, did i or did i not school the newb



I will let you know, I have never pulled your U, nor will I ever!:twofinger:

[MarinesBiatch]

Oh. Wow. LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[MA$TER_E]

Holy Hell... :haha:

Monkey, you'll figure out (at your expense) that you have to watch what you say around Flyte. He's a bit :crazy: and will twist what you say into some kind of perverted sex act in one way or another...

:mep

Game On

:popcorn:

[Monkey Wrench]

I have been noticing that about Flyte...
(Has anyone told him about it? :shhh:)

Alright. Since you have failed to Serve the next Volley...
Here is a Riddle of sorts, in the form of a Problem:

I have this problem with my Wingzinger. Doesn't seem to be working well, since the Pondlogger became dislodged, and is now leaking fluids from the Pudzipper. I did manage to get some more use out of it, but only because I found a Bongdongle to plug the Pudzipper, although this has now become a problem with the Pondlogger, which doesn't want to stay in place. If you look under it, where you can see my Wingzinger end to end, there appears to be some sort of Dohicky Thingy Madingle hanging down, but I'm afraid to touch it, so I don't know if it completely broken off of the Wingzinger or not. It looks wet too.
This morning I tried to use it, but all I got was some gurgles out of the Pudzipper, a big spurt of something from the Dohicky Thingy Madingle, and a really bad smell that came from the Pondlogger when it fell over again. Is there some sort of Lubricant that I should be using on my Wingzinger, or maybe the Pondlogger has blown a Gasket?


So... Was this Problem being discribed to a:
1- Doctor?
2- Mechanic?
3- Girlfriend/Wife?

[Jane Honda]

Mechanic.

[Monkey Wrench]

Mechanic.

So was it then a:
1- Car?
2- Boat?
3- Motorcycle?

[MA$TER_E]

Duh... :rolleyes:

3- Girlfriend/Wife?

:yes:

[Monkey Wrench]

Duh... :rolleyes:

3- Girlfriend/Wife?

:yes:

So then was it a:
1- Personal Issue?
2- Performance Issue?
3- VD Explanation?

[Jane Honda]

Duh... :rolleyes:

3- Girlfriend/Wife?

:yes:



Yeah, it was being DESCRIBED TO the girlfriend/wife by her BOYFRIEND/HUSBAND. :twofinger:

[Jane Honda]

So then was it a:
1- Personal Issue?
2- Performance Issue?
3- VD Explanation?


Performance. :hysterical:

[Jane Honda]

So was it then a:
1- Car?
2- Boat?
3- Motorcycle?



Car.

[Monkey Wrench]

Yeah, it was being DESCRIBED TO the girlfriend/wife by her BOYFRIEND/HUSBAND. :twofinger:

I see... seems that you guys have been spending too much time with Flyte! :drool:

[Jane Honda]

I see... seems that you guys have been spending too much time with Flyte! :drool:


Er, no.


I meant that the boyfriend/husband was describing it to his girlfriend/wife because he didn't know how to tell it in proper terminology. :moon:

[Monkey Wrench]

Car.

My assesment is that you spend more time Driving you Car, than Riding your Bike.
More Bike Time Required!

[Jane Honda]

My assesment is that you spend more time Driving you Car, than Riding your Bike.
More Bike Time Required!



Amen.

[Monkey Wrench]

Er, no.


I meant that the boyfriend/husband was describing it to his girlfriend/wife because he didn't know how to tell it in proper terminology. :moon:

Excellent Recovery!:haha:

[Flyte Risk]

I see... seems that you guys have been spending too much time with Flyte! :drool:

I am the Messiah. Follow me and I will show you the gravel.

Er, I mean light.

[MA$TER_E]

I don't wana play anymore :sad:

[Monkey Wrench]

I am the Messiah. Follow me and I will show you the gravel.

Er, I mean light.

Follow you into the gravel? Sounds like a nasty crash! :crash::crash:

Massiah huh... :bow:

On second thought, if your the Messiah, prove it by turning this ordinary gallon of crap 89 Octane Gasoline into pure 130 Racing Fuel!!!
:blowup:
Thats what I thought!

[Jane Honda]

Follow you into the gravel? Sounds like a nasty crash! :crash::crash:

Massiah huh... :bow:

On second thought, if your the Messiah, prove it by turning this ordinary gallon of crap 89 Octane Gasoline into pure 130 Racing Fuel!!!
:blowup:
Thats what I thought!



Dood, that man can turn beer, soda, hamburgers, spew, mung, warf, and drool into pure 130!


:hysterical:

[Monkey Wrench]

Dood, that man can turn beer, soda, hamburgers, spew, mung, warf, and drool into pure 130!


:hysterical:
Thats the wrong kind of Racing Fuel!!!!:vomit:

[Jane Honda]

Thats the wrong kind of Racing Fuel!!!!:vomit:



Works for us. He rips on the throttle, and we are racing to get the hell out of dodge!


:lol:

[Monkey Wrench]

Works for us. He rips on the throttle, and we are racing to get the hell out of dodge!


:lol:

I knew that was coming.... and I still kept my Helmet off....:haha:

[Flyte Risk]

It's a gift......

[Monkey Wrench]

It's a gift......

I wonder if you can set up a conversion unit on the Bike to harness that extra fuel... maybe for a sudden burst of throttle in a speed trap?

Flyte blows past the cops:
Cop 1:
"Wow... Did you see that? I smell Donuts."
Cop 2:
"It is Donuts! Lets go get some!!"
Cop 1:
"Ok, but your buying this time..."

:rad::cop-car:


:flamebike:
Flyte: "It aint's Donuts! (Hehe!)"